Fear Of What Was
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsayLucy - set in the future. Lindsay's worst nightmare officially came true - how can she keep her family together when it's falling apart?


**Hello all! I'm finally back from my travels, so expect an abundance of stories from myself! :) **

**After watching the Lindsay and Stella scene in Greater Good *squees* on holiday, this came to me… It may seem extremely odd, but all will make sense. I promise. I hope. **

**Thanks to Kerrie for the once over and the usual unwavering support. :) And to Amy for her help with the title. Loves ya chickas! **

**And thank you to all of you who reviewed Mistakes Vs Surprises. I really appreciated all the reviews. They definitely made my day - It was just tough to reply on a hour of internet time. hehe! - But we're home now! So yay! - I can take the time to reply! **

**Anyway, hope you enjoy this one :) **

* * *

Lucy stood up from her seat and let out a shrill scream before yelling at her parents. 'I hate you!!! The both of you!!'

Lindsay Messer's worst nightmare had officially come true.

Looking up at their therapist, Lindsay blinked back her tears. 'I... I don't know...'

'Lucy seems to be harbouring feelings of resentment.' He commented.

'Ya think, Einstein? She's going through teenage angst.' Danny said, as he trailed his fingertips down Lindsay's arm. 'She has issues just like the rest of her class - it's high school. You're not _in_ high school unless there's something wrong with you.'

'But Mr. Messer, Lucy has gone out and deliberately harmed her body.'

'She had her belly pierced with her girlfriends for Christ sake. She didn't harm her body. So she didn't ask us. Big deal. I could think of a long list of other things she could have done to herself. If this is the worst thing she does, I'm not too worried. I mean Linds had her belly pierced when she was fourteen, right babe?'

'Mine didn't get infected.' Lindsay said sadly.

'So her piercing did. No big. We can put her on some antibiotics and she'll be fine.'

Lindsay sighed. 'I just don't know where we went from being a happy family to having Lucy locked in the bathroom of a therapist's office.'

'Where do you think you went wrong, Mrs Messer?'

'What kind of a question is that?' Danny spat. 'We didn't 'go wrong'- shit happens. You just deal with it - that's what we're doing.'

Lindsay sighed as she stood up and crossed the therapist's office and knocked on the bathroom door. 'Baby, please come out. Can we at least try to talk about things?'

'Leave me alone! I hate you. Leave me alone!'

'Babe, leave it.' Danny sighed. 'We know she'll come out when she's ready.'

Glancing at the door, Lindsay sighed heavily as he made her way back to the leather couch.

The therapist cleared his throat. 'What I think the real problem is from my early observations is your marriage. Do you two often disagree? Argue?'

'We have our moments,' Danny admitted. 'But we take pride in our marriage, and our daughter, thank you. We've fought to make it work, and it does. Your early observations don't know shit, I'm paying for you to help my daughter, not unwanted marital therapy.'

'It could be a valuable use of time to look into having a session... I could.'

'I said no thank you.' Danny snapped. 'My daughter... What are your early observations on that?' he asked, patience wavering.

'It seems to me, from looking at your file, and taking into account what Lucy has said to me in our first meeting that the issue she has, lays with her mother.'

Lindsay blinked. 'Excuse me?'

'I get the impression that Lucy feels like she's missed out. She spends prolonged periods of time at friends' houses, correct?'

'Correct, ' Danny nodded. 'But I expect she failed to mention how her friends stay at our house for 'prolonged periods of time' to coin your phrase. My wife has been, and still is a fantastic and devoted mother to Lucy. She's not gone without, if that's what you're implying. Lucy has always loved her mother, and I don't like you suggesting otherwise. You're not there twenty-four/seven. I see Lucy and Lindsay on a daily basis, and have done for the past fifteen years. You haven't met a closer mother and daughter.'

'Maybe Lucy doesn't feel that way? I understand that your relationship with your mother is strained, Lindsay?'

Lindsay took a deep breath. 'I don't understand why that is really relevant. I'm not my mother and my relationship with Lucy is not like my mother and I's relationship.'

'It may have influenced your motherly instincts though if you were deprived when you were younger.'

'This is ridiculous!' Danny snapped as he banged his fist against the couch's arm. 'I'm not having you treat my wife like she's an incompetent mother. She's far from it.'

'In Lucy's opinion, Mr Messer...'

Danny took a deep breath, realising that losing his temper wouldn't help the situation. 'I understand that. However, has it not occurred to you that she may have said what she said in the heat of the moment? How do you not know that on her way over here, Lindsay and she may have had a spur of the moment argument that fuelled everything Lucy had said.'

'If that was the case, would Lucy be sat in the bathroom right now?' the therapist countered.

'Maybe she wouldn't be if we'd not been advised to look into a therapy session.'

'All I'm trying to say is her relationship with her mother is obviously strained.'

'Well, how does Lucy feel about me?' Danny asked.

The therapist fell silent and sighed heavily.

'I have it recorded that she feels closer to you, sir... I understand you're both NYPD officers.'

'We're with the crime scene.' Lindsay said meekly.

'And what are your hours like?'

'Well they're not 9-5 if that's what you're wanting us to say.' Danny said: 'they're long and inconvenient, but Lucy hasn't suffered. The majority of her childhood was spent around people she adores if we weren't there. She spent a good four years with my mother if we had been called in, as a last resort. Mac would always ensure that we were the last people to be called, and the rest of the team were more than happy to do what they could to make sure we spent time with Lucy. So, she'd be with my mom until Lindsay could head home and I would pick up the slack. After my mother got too old to take care of a four-year-old, day in- day out... We enrolled her in daycare, and then if the daycare provider we had in place couldn't take her last minute, she'd spend time at the lab. We made the best out of a bad situation. And I think we did really well to be quite honest.'

The therapist scribbled all the vital details down. 'And who would you say was most dedicated to the crime lab?'

'Myself,' Danny answered. 'I'd take a lot of Lindsay's shifts -on top of my own to make sure Lucy had her mom around.'

'I had a lot of arguments with Mac when Lucy was a baby and growing up about me not taking overtime after I had come off part time.' Lindsay explained.

'And do you feel resentment towards your daughter, Lindsay? For putting a strain on your relationship with your boss?'

'Are you kidding me? Resentment towards my daughter?' Lindsay blinked at him. 'Do I look like the type of person that would value my boss more than my daughter?'

'I'm just trying to understand where Lucy has her anger stemming from.'

'Welcome to the club.' Danny scoffed. 'We have t shirts and badges.'

The therapist raised an eyebrow. 'Well, everything else aside, why, Mr Messer, do you think Lucy is behaving how she is?'

'Her anger is with the world.' Danny said. 'She's fifteen. All kids go through this stage. I did. Lindsay did. It's just nowadays; if a kid is anything less than perfect, they're instantly assumed to be harbouring issues of some sort and they instantly need therapy. Which is a load of bullshit. Kids can't grow up anymore. It's like we don't give them a chance. The only reason we're here is because of her crackpot homeroom teacher suggesting to Linds we looked into this because of Lucy's 'issues' in school. I don't see the problem. She's got straight A's, she's popular. She's in after school clubs. She's on the cheerleading team and in the science club. She's had student of the year twice. And most of all, she's happy. There is nothing wrong with our daughter. The only problem she has is her infected belly piercing that I can take her to the doctors for, and we can go pick up her prescription this afternoon. Boom.'

'Do you often take the back seat to your husband, Lindsay?'

Lindsay, taken aback, blinked at the therapist. 'Excuse me?'

'Well, you're here, trying to save your whole family from falling apart, and he's not letting you say your piece. Does that annoy you?'

'You were speaking to him.' Lindsay replied incredulously. 'I'm not about to butt in. You asked him a question; he answered it. I would have said the same thing had you asked me the question.'

'I was speaking to the both of you.'

'Like hell you were,' Lindsay growled. 'Your words were 'why Mr Messer do you think Lucy is behaving how she is?' there was no acknowledgement to me at all, therefore it was not my place to answer.'

The therapist sighed in annoyance. 'I can understand why Lucy is how she is.'

Both Danny and Lindsay looked at each other in utter disbelief. 'What the hell do you mean by that?' Lindsay spat.

'I would also feel very intimidated to try and put across my feelings to the either of you, to be quite honest. You're both very fixed in your ways.'

Both Danny and Lindsay blinked, waiting for him to continue.

'I can tell from your silence that you feel I am correct, no…'

'What the hell?!' Danny spat. 'We're silent because we're shocked at the bullshit you're spewing. You have no idea. This is like some nightmarish dream – you've got to be joking me.'

'He's right.' Lucy finally said as she emerged from the bathroom. 'I never tell you guys anything because you never listen to me. He listens to me.' she said, motioning to the therapist.

'Baby,' Danny sighed, 'Mom and I listen to you. You don't think we do?'

'You never listen!' Lucy cried. 'You're always running to the lab to save the world. What about me? You're never there for me.'

'Your mom didn't climb the career ladder because she wanted to be your mom. She always put you first. Your mommy is always there for you, Lucy. If you're mad at someone, you should be mad at me. I was the one who was never there.'

Lucy fell silent. 'I wish you had been though. I would have…'

'You would have what?' Danny asked tentatively as he held Lindsay's hand tighter.

Lucy took a deep breath. 'I would have preferred you more than mom.'

All eyes fell on Lindsay, waiting for her reaction.

She closed her eyes, desperate to stop the tears from falling.

Wishing everything would go away.

* * *

'Lindsay, Lindsay baby…'

It was dark. Pitch black in fact.

Where was she?

'Lindsay… Linds, babe. Come on, wake up.'

Coming around, Lindsay peeled her eyes open and looked up at her husband whom was sat on the edge of what appeared to be a bed that she was laying in.

'Where am I?'

'Where are you?' Danny laughed, 'you're asleep in bed. I needed you to wake up – we've ran out of breast milk in the fridge, I didn't want to wake you up, but Luce's hungry and she needs nursing.'

'How old is Lucy?' Lindsay asked as she sat up in bed.

Danny turned and pointed to their daughter who was laid in the middle of the bed, cushions all around her, whimpering to herself. 'She was six months yesterday. Why?'

Lindsay let out a deep breath.

'What's the matter?' Danny asked.

'I had a bad dream, that's all.'

Danny leaned down and pressed a kiss to his wife's clammy forehead. 'Whatever it was, you're fine. I got'cha…'

Lindsay nodded as Danny handed her their daughter. Quickly, Lucy began to nurse, allowing Lindsay to realise as she stared at her daughter that the 'scene' in the therapist's office was just a bad dream.

'You don't think Lucy's gonna hate me when she's older do you?'

Danny sat back on the bed, resting his back against the headboard. 'Hate you? What kind of dream were you havin'?'

Lindsay sighed as she held Lucy close to her, 'When I was in labour, Stella and I had a conversation about me being a bad mother and ending up in therapy with Lucy. I guess I was dreaming about that…'

'Therapy?' Danny asked. 'Over what?'

Lindsay shrugged. 'It was all going around in circles. The therapist turned on us. Especially me. I just… It was… It seemed so real.'

'Dreams often seem so realistic that when you wake up, you think that they were real.' Danny reasoned. 'Doesn't mean that they're gonna become reality though, baby. We both know you're going to be an amazing mother. You are, and you've only just started. You don't need to worry about takin' Lucy to therapy.'

'It just scared me, you know… An eye opener… I want to be here for her and with our jobs…'

'Linds, Mac said that he's gonna make sure that things are kept like how they are, so that we can spend as much time with Lucy as possible. He knows what we're going through. He's right there with us. He's working with us – not against us. You've got nothing to worry about. She's not going to hate the either of us.'

Lindsay nodded. 'I guess it's been niggling at me. I just… I'm still a little scared about everything.'

'You don't have to be,' Danny said as he edged closer towards his two girls. 'I'm here. We can do it all together.'

'But what if we screw up?' Lindsay sniffed, becoming emotional. 'What if…'

'Screwing up isn't an option.' Danny told her. 'We've gotta enjoy our daughter. We do our best and see where we end up. Yeah, we'll make mistakes. We'll probably let her go to bed later than what she should and probably spoil her a little more than what we should, but you know what, so long as she's happy and healthy, what does it matter?'

Lindsay nodded as she changed Lucy's position to burp her before letting her continue to nurse. 'I just… I'm new to all of this.'

'So am I.' Danny said as he took Lucy and burped her for Lindsay, 'But look at her, Linds…' He said as he set their daughter on his knee after successfully burping her. 'Does it look like we've screwed up yet?'

Lindsay smiled at her daughter, who was yawning and blinking due to the early hour in the morning. 'She's really beautiful.'

Lucy let out a giggle.

'And happy.' Lindsay added. 'She's happy, right?'

Danny nodded. 'She's happy.'

Lindsay nodded as she took their daughter again to continue to nurse the little girl. 'I just… I guess I'm freaking out for nothing.'

'You just care, that's all.' Danny reasoned. 'You care and love her a lot and you want to do your best. There's nothing wrong with that, honey.'

Lindsay smiled as she rested her head on Danny's shoulder. 'What would I do without you, huh?'

Danny returned the warm smile as he pressed a kiss to her temple. 'No more nightmares okay… and if you happen to have one… wake me up.'

Lindsay nodded.

'You can do this Lindsay. This is the hard part, adjusting… After this, we're gonna be fine. I promise.'

'Since when did you become the level headed one?'

'Since my wife started having crazy nightmares.' He teased lightly.

She elbowed him softly as Lucy shifted in her arms.

'Thanks, Danny.' She smiled as he automatically took Lucy, burped her and wrapped her in her blanket, before moving to the corner of their room, where her crib lay.

'You've got me well trained.' He whispered as he made his way to the bed after kissing his sleeping daughter on the forehead as he laid her in the bassinet style crib.

She smiled and shifted further over to Danny's side of the bed. He climbed in, and instantly she'd rested her head against his chest.

'You go to sleep, babe… I'll wake you up if you start freakin' out again, a'right?'

She nodded tiredly.

'What would I do without you,' she asked as sleep began to overtake her.

He pressed a kiss to her temple as he traced her arms with his fingertips.

'It doesn't matter, cause I'll always be here.' He whispered.

Lindsay soon fell asleep with a smile on her face. With no nightmare filling her dreams for the rest of the night.

Instead, her dreams were filled with a certain NYPD detective and a happy baby girl.

With a happy mommy right alongside of them.

* * *

**Let me know what you thought, please?** **Thanks for reading.** :)


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